Ode to the Stay at Home Dad

Alot gets written about stay-home-moms.  I love stay-at-home-moms. You are my friends and sisters, and I respect your choice.  I thought I would write a little something about a less-common choice, the stay-at-home-dad.  When Willow was born, I was a resident physician.  I could not quit my job to care for Willow. We were up to our eyeballs in school debt, and I had the insurance. Also typical childcare would be difficult since I worked erratic hours and Willow had so many medical needs. Josh, at that time, was working as an animal removal specialist for a company.  He loved his job, and was REALLY good at it.  The company still calls him periodically to see if he will come back, and all of our family and friends still call him for consultations.  However, we decided together that it would make most sense for him to stay at home.  And so he did.  Like a good husband and father, he did what it took to provide for our family.  And in our case, that meant staying at home with our baby.  It is not traditional or normal, but we have never claimed to be either of those things.  It is not for everybody, but it works for us.  This post is for you, stay-at-home dads. I think you rock, and here are a few reasons why.




1.) SAHD's don't sweat the small stuff.  My child may not get out of her pajamas all day, and her hair may be a mess.  She definitely does not eat organic, and her bathing is erratic at best.  But she is clothed (most of the time) and always fed.  She is bathed (enough).  Her hair will probably always be a challenge.  But she's always happy and having a good time, and THAT is what matters. The pictures below may have been taken in the middle of the afternoon, and my kid may still be in her pajamas.

2.) Your kids learn all sorts of cool new tricks.  For instance, being married to a nerd, I came home one day to find that my daughter had learned a new trick.  What do zombies say, Willow? Without missing a beat, Willow would respond with a perfect zombie imitations.  This is what happens when you leave a man with a baby.  She cannot say mama, but she can imitate a zombie.

3.) SAHD's make it look easy.  When I go out, I bring a diaper bag packed to the brim, my purse, and whatever else I have chosen to bring with me that day.  I look like I'm packing for vacation, and I always look awkward.  Josh throws the baby on his hip, a diaper and a few wipes in his pocket, and he is good to go.  Easy, peasy.

4.) There are no daddy wars, at least not that I am aware of.  Perhaps it is because, at least where we live, there aren't many SAHD's.  But perhaps its because they do not find the need to compete with each other like moms sometimes do.  They are way too cool for that.

5.) SAHD's can make anything look manly.  Anyone can make a tool belt or a gun look manly.  But our guys can make a baby, a sippy cup, and a diaper bag look manly.  Now THAT takes skill.

6.) It is always good for a man to provide for his family no matter how.  For some men this means providing monetarily. For some men, this means providing the childcare and the majority of the child-rearing.  Either way, we thank you.  We need you, and our children need you.

Well, that's all for now.  Stay-at-home-dads, this is for you. Keep rocking it.  Our kids are lucky to have you.

An update on life

A Real Adult Vacation

Josh and I went on our first real vacation together since Willow was born. It was the first time that we had ever left Willow overnight with anyone other than the ICU, and it was long overdue. We are normally the adventurous, outdoorsy travelers.  We went to Yellowstone for our honeymoon, spent two months in China working in a medical clinic prior to medical school graduation, and spent some time in Honduras during residency working in a hospital.  I got to choose this time, and I went for luxury.  We would fly in and out of San Francisco but spend the majority of time in Napa valley.  It was a vacation that is distinctly un-kid.  We were nervous but figured the wine would help with that. 

We left Willow with my parents partially because we knew she would be close to MUSC with all of her doctors if anything happened. We were feeling good.  We got up early to fly out and were standing in line getting ready to board the plane like brave soldiers marching towards a kid-free week for the sake of our sanity.  I then turned around and standing in the line boarding the same plane was our trusted pediatric surgeon, the one we thought would be in Charleston to see her if anything went wrong.  NO! We think. Abort mission!  We thought about trying to convince him not to go.  Um, excuse me sir, I know you probably never get vacation, but you cannot leave. You understand, right? We decided that would sound crazy so we boarded the plane anyways.

We spent the next few days eating food I had never heard of and drinking wine I pretended to discern from the other wines I had tasted just before.  It was wonderful and fun.  I got to pretend for a week that I was way more cultured and fancy than I really am.  At the end of it, I think we both realized as much as we enjoyed it all, we are not that cultured and we are definitely not foodies. I think we both wanted cheap Mexican food from Santa Fe with a Dos Equis or a grilled cheese sandwich with Trader Joe's two buck chuck by then end of it, and there is no reason anyone should ever have to pay $56 for two burgers and fries no matter how the cows were raised.

Two Weddings and a Funeral

Since I last blogged, we have taken Willow to two weddings of dear friends and the funeral of my beloved papa.  Wedding #1 was between our good friends Brandi and Addam, two of the first non-residency people we met when we moved to Greenwood.  We met them at the church we visited on our first Sunday in Greenwood, where we ended up attending for the next three years.  We walked into church and John Mayer's Daughters was being played by the praise band.  We were confused but for some reason we kept coming back.  Their wedding day was a beautiful celebration of two special people.  It was was a nice, Southern, outdoor wedding with Chick-fil-A and Clemson orange.  For those of you who do not know, I broke my foot in November.  I was in my boot for the wedding but that did not keep me from trying to dance anyways.  And if I got tired of holding Willow, I just put her in her stroller, and she smiled and shimmied until inevitably somebody picked her up for a dance.

Wedding #2 was of my very best medical school friend Nishita. We met day one in gross anatomy and were friends from the start. I had never met Manish, her groom, and have only seen Nishita once since we graduate medical school.  But even though we are busy doctors and never see each other, we are bound for life by endless hours of studying with breaks only for eating, bathroom breaks, brief moments of sleep, and, of course, the Bachelor.  It was a traditional Indian wedding and a Greenwood friend kindly outfitted me in a beautiful saree with matching jewelry.  I thought I would remember how to tie the saree when the day came.  I did not.  I even tried using a youtube video.  Epic fail.  I eventually wound up basically walking around the hotel looking pathetic until a family member of the bride took pity on me and helped me put on my saree.  Nishita was probably the most beautiful bride I have ever seen, and the wedding was a two day affair that was so much fun that I decided I want a wedding do-over.

The funeral was for my dear grandfather known to us as Papa.  It was a time of sadness but also a time of celebration of a life well-lived.  My Papa was wife to one, father to four, grandfather to thirteen, and great-grandfather to five.  He was very accomplished professionally. You would never know it, because he would have never told you. The Post and Courier wrote this wonderful article about him that outlined these accomplishments including being an advocate for the fine arts and helping to bring Porgy and Bess to Charleston, the first ever performance in Charleston to be performed for a fully integrated audience.  http://www.postandcourier.com/article/20140628/PC1204/140629408.  Most of all, he was kind to everyone and loved and followed Jesus in a quiet, humble way.  We love him, we miss him, and we are proud to be his. Towards the end, his memory was fading, and we would have to remind him which great-grands belonged to which grandchild. One day my mom was reminding him that Willow belonged to me and that she had Down Syndrome. Really, he said, she must only have it a little bit.

Water, Water, Water

This summer we have been getting Willow in the water as often as possible.  Last year at this time, Willow was still pre-cardiac surgery, and her feet would turn purple when we would try to take her swimming.  Needless to say, that freaked us out.  This summer though, she is post-heart surgery, and her toes do NOT turn purple.  So the goal this summer was to SWIM, SWIM, SWIM as much as possible, whether its on our deck in our kiddy pool or at the beach with her cousins.  She loves it.

Sad good-byes

We have said good-bye to some dear friends, most notably Robert, Casey, Emma, and Leah Martin.  Robert stayed an extra year after residency to complete a fellowship so we had the pleasure of enjoying them in Greenwood for an extra year.  Robert and I survived three years of residency together,  I delivered both of their adorable little girls, and Casey has been my faithful friend and Bachelor fan since we moved to Greenwood four years ago.  We love you guys! We will miss you. Best of luck on your next adventure.

And, of course, this summer has been full of family and friends!

Disclaimer: I wrote and edited this post after pulling an all-nighter on call.  So forgive the grammar (especially you, mom).

I did it.  I wrote a blog that was shorter, lighter and not about hospitals or Down Syndrome.  Stay tuned for a second birthday blog coming up in the next month.  I apologize for the infrequent, sporadic nature of my blogging.  What can I say? I have other things that I am doing.  I have been told that to be a successful blogger, I have to write at least twice per week.  HA! Well, news flash, I am not going to be a successful blogger.  I know, shocker.   But thank you to those who read my blogs even though they are infrequent.  Stay tuned for birthday #2 and Willow-palooza coming up next month.  I will not forget to take pictures this year.  I promise.  Oh, and a shout out to my hubby for all of his amazing photography skills that are featured in this blog post.