I would like to share a few words on the use of the word retard. There are people who use the word retard as hate speech. There are people who use the comparison to a person with intellectual or physical disability as an insult. These are the same people who will use derogatory terms for people with a different skin color, religion, or sexual orientation. This post is not for them. Those people, for the most part, will always be jerks. This is for you, my family and friends. This is for those of you who would never intentionally degrade or speak derogatorily towards someone with an intellectual or physical disability. This is for you who would never purposely speak like this towards or about my daughter. I know this. I love you. And if you have used this word around me, its ok. I forgive you. I cringe inside, but I forgive you.
I read a blog called the Blessings of Verity (see http://theblessingofverity.com/). The writer tells the story of her daughter Verity who has Down Syndrome. She wrote the following words, I told him that I could already tell that this was going to be an opportunity like none we'd had before to extend grace to others. Other people would be unkind, and we could not allow resentment to build up against them. We could not allow ourselves to keep track of who responded rightly, who responded wrongly, and who did not respond at all. These thoughts are perfect. I am not keeping track or holding a grudge, but I do want you to know how this may affect individuals with special needs and their loved ones.
I have tried to put my thoughts into words may times, but I could not form a better explanation than the one written by John Franklin Stephens, a special olympian and global messenger. Back in 2012, in response to a debate on foreign policy, Ann Coulter wrote a tweet where she referred to President Obama as a retard. John penned the response below, and I could not have said it any better. Please read.
Come on Ms. Coulter, you aren't dumb and you aren't shallow. So why are you continually using a word like the R-word as an insult?
I am a 30 year old man with Down syndrome who has struggled with the public's perception that an intellectual disability means that I am dumb and shallow. I am not either of those things, but I do process information more slowly than the rest of you. In fact, it has taken me all day to figure out how to respond to your use of the R-word last night.
I thought first of asking whether you meant to describe the President as someone who was bullied as a child by people like you but rose above it to find a way to succeed in life as many of my fellow Special Olympians have.
Then I wondered if you meant to describe him as someone who has to struggled to be thoughtful about everything he says, as everyone else races from one snarky sound bite to the next.
Finally, I wondered if you meant to degrade him as someone who is likely to receive bad health care, live in low grade housing with very little income, and still manages to see life as a wonderful gift.
Because Ms. Coulter, that is who we are-- and much, much more.
After I saw your tweet, I realized you just wanted to belittle the President by linking him to people like me. You assumed that people would understand and accept that being linked to someone like me is an insult and you assumed you could get away with it and still appear on TV. I have to wonder if you considered other hateful words but recoiled from the backlash.
Well, Ms. Coulter, you and society need to learn that being compared to people like me should be considered a badge of honor.
No one overcomes more than we do and still loves life so much.
Come join us someday at Special Olympics. See if you can walk away with your heart unchanged.
A friend you haven't made yet,
John Franklin Stephens
Thank you, John. This is not about political correctness or being a word police. It is about recognizing that our words have power. The Bible is full of verses that speak about the power of our words both to build each other up and tear each other down. Please remember this the next time you hear the word retard or are tempted to use it yourself.
Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. Proverbs 16:24
Update on Willow:
Since I last wrote, Willow has broken one pair of glasses and scratched another. But we are hoping current this pair is a winner, despite the fact that she takes them off at least thirty times per day, and if she wears them for a good four hours a day, we pat ourselves on the back and call it a win. She took two very unsteady steps forward the other day and then fell down. This isn't exactly walking, but we will take it. She loves swimming, playing in her toy kitchen, imitating her daddy's every move, any music by Meghan Trainor, and the book Little Blue Truck, which is much more tolerable than the Big Red Barn.
